Tiding time

                I used to think that tides brought only good memories to one’s life. Every ebb of water signs of memorable moments that last a life time. Yet, I was wrong.

                The start of high tide symbolizes strength and faith. The surging of the water to the shore erases the yesterday’s memories and depicts the beginning of another journey. I was once fascinated with these ideas that I can momentarily if not totally stop thinking of my not-so-much to handle pieces of my life. Every splash of the water to the shore and subtle the sands of yesterday, awakes my melody of bliss and I bare-footedly begin to portray my today’s venture and never find to distract the once sketched portion of the shore with my past ecstasy. I happily greet every morning the wading of the tide for I’m so excited to my today’s verve. Even though they are slight memories, I never regret their arrival and the way it molds my existence. Thus, the outgoing of the tide every sunset doesn’t bother me for I knew I had tomorrow a new beginning.

                Then all of a sudden, I start to feel longing to my wonderful yesterdays, the melancholy that I hardly bear. It tries to tear down a piece of the three-cornered thing in my chest. That moment I started to panic. I’m not used to this sorrow. I try to figure out the reason of this intense sentiment. From the moment I realized the cause of this primary destruction, I feel afraid. It never comes into my mind that euphoric past of my existence rip pieces of my heart. My heart has many tore pieces that need to fill in and all of them are due to my yearning.

                I try to divert my life to the present and never allow any interference of my past. By and by, I survived for couple of weeks. And with that I’m contented. So for every craving my heart felt again, I used the same method I’ve done before with deep concentration.  Yet, I apprehended that I fool myself. Why I have to erase my past if it enables me to define my present and my future? I got to know that including my past with my present situation helps me cope up with my burden. The sorrow starts to fade and transforms me into a new me. Past that defies my today to become robust for my tomorrow. Apparently, longing is not bad enough rather it suffices our true being. We longed to someone that changed us into better, enabled to understand us despite our shortcomings and who knew who we are. These are just sentiments of every receding tide, of every immobility of water after the tide, and of every disappearance of our sketched memories on the sand. Moments are gone yet the yearning they left to us last a life time. Though the departure of every tide torn a piece of our heart, its arrival again brings a piece of hope although it may not fit perfectly and leaves some ragged edges, yet it fills the corner of our heart. For every imperfect fitting in our heart shows how much we love. We don’t bother for perfection for perfection itself doesn’t satiate our thirst for love instead it brings destruction. Thus, it is better to give wholesome love than don’t love at all cause lacking of love shows unscathed sand and afraid of the coming of tide once again. For me, this is the true essence of tide. 

Roni, 

November 6, 2011

3:00 pm