Soliloquy

I don't know how to start this so-called journal. But I have a feeling of jotting down ideas that my mind can't absorb. I thought I woke up at the wrong side of my bed. Something I said to myself when my feeling about the day is awful. I know I can make it better but I can't control the emotions that wrap my feeble and weary soul. Probably, I longed to someone I nearly thought a part of me. Yet, my mind fights this sentiment. It was irascible to talk about it. My mind is foggy. I can't think correctly. I felt like the heaviness of my life surrounds me and gnaws me to pieces. The concentration to my vision is hindered by this err emotion. I felt lost. I can't find my voice anymore. I was drugged by some sort of hallucinogens and collapsing my frail yet rigid life. I felt weak inside and out. I encountered a dilemma that I never met before. I am surprised by the sudden naissance of longing. I know that this moment of bliss will not last longer. I am afraid of commitment...of responsibility. I think by engulfing them would swallow my childish acts. Those acts that I have kept constant through these years. I can't leave them for they are part of my life. I need them to make me free. I am not ready of having someone to control my independence, my freedom of choice that I dire need to enable me to survive. Reality always cages me. Therefore, I have to forget. I have to move on. I need to focus to my vision. I need to stay intact my frail sentiments. I think this will suffice by not needing of interruptions to my life. I have to...

I thought I am ready. I thought my incomplete life will metamorphose into something beautiful. But I was wrong. My need for perfection was blocked by my own stupidity. I am really not ready for this. 

Roni, 6/25/12 9:05pm